A Practical Guide to
Nested Co-Parenting
How co-parenting in a shared home can create more stability for kids—and more freedom, flexibility, and autonomy for divorced parents
Available in eBook and Paperback
Your kids didn't ask to split their lives across two homes.
But that's what conventional divorce requires of them. A childhood spent packing and unpacking, forgetting their homework or favorite stuffed animal at the other house, splitting their clothes, books, and toys across two bedrooms, two homes, two neighborhoods or two communities. It's friends asking, "Which house are you at this weekend? Oh, yeah... never mind."
The hidden cost of divorce isn't the legal fees or the divided assets—it's your kid's stability and peace of mind.
But what's the alternative? If staying married for the kids were an option, you'd do it. But you can't. The relationship has run its course. You and your ex both need to break out of dysfunctional patterns, need your own space, need to heal, and need to rebuild your lives.
You don't have to choose between dissolving your marriage and keeping your kids' lives intact. Nesting flips the script. Your kids stay in one home, and you and your co-parent take turns staying with them. The adults handle the transitions while the kids stay grounded.
What if your kids didn't have to split their lives after divorce? And what if giving them that stability also gave you more freedom and flexibility—not less?
A Practical Guide to Nested Co-Parenting challenges the standard divorce playbook that says children must bear the burden of continuously splitting their lives across two worlds after a divorce while the adults get to build stable lives for themselves.
Most people assume nesting means sacrificing your space, your healing, or your peace—but the opposite is true. When your kids have one stable home, you're free to live however and wherever you want without being tethered to an expensive school district. You can move in with a new partner without forcing your kids into a step-family dynamic. You can feel at ease knowing your children are safe and stable, no matter what's happening in your co-parent's personal life. And you can often do it all for less than the cost of maintaining two family-sized households in an expensive school district.
We're so conditioned by the conventional divorce narrative—and so eager to get as far away from our ex's as possible—that we miss the opportunity for a creative living solution that's actually better for everyone in the long run.
And what little conventional advice exists around nesting sets most families up to fail. The standard approach to nesting skips the emotional groundwork, rushes the transition, and leaves co-parents white-knuckling through an arrangement that prevents them from moving on. This guide walks you through the common pitfalls that derail most nesting attempts and offers a better path, one that leads to sustainable, long-term living stability for everyone involved—even if you and your ex aren't on the greatest terms.
Includes:
- 7-step Nesting Planning Guide for co-parents—including worksheets for designing your nest, shared budgets, and co-parenting agreements
- Conversation Guide for talking to your kids about nesting
- Reflection exercises and crucial inner work to address through before attempting to nest
- FAQs addressing common questions and concerns
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You can create a post-divorce life where...
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You minimize the stress, upheaval, and disruption to you children's lives, and simplify your life in the process.
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By giving your kids stability you actually give yourself more freedom and flexibility than would be possible in a two-home living arrangement.
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You share the load of maintaining a household with your ex-spouse, without recreating the conflict that arouse when you were fully living together.
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You do all this for the same or less than the cost of two full-sized family homes!
If you search for advice on “nesting” in the divorce forums, you will find warnings from other divorcing co-parents who think the idea is downright bonkers. A common refrain is: “If my ex and I were able to coordinate and get along well enough to pull it off, we wouldn’t be getting divorced in the first place.”
So I understand the trepidation! If I had gone straight from separating into nesting, like most standard approaches to nesting suggest, I would have crashed and burned like some many other well-intentioned co-parents who have tried giving it a shot, only to have it end in disaster.
Many people nest to try and save the family home and maintain maximum stability for their kids, so they start nesting right away. But that doesn’t allow for much needed time and space required to heal, establish independence, and rebuild a different co-parenting relationship with your ex spouse. And not selling the family home keeps shared assets entangled and prevents co-parents from being able to re-establish financial independence.
Most divorcing couples need intentional time and space for healing, and a much needed reset on dysfunctional dynamics before attempting to navigate this transition, but the standard "straight into nesting" approach makes that needlessly challenging—often to the point of being impossible.
The guide will walk you through everything you need to align with your co-parent on how to move forward, while avoiding the common pitfalls.
Why nesting is great for kids:
Traditional Two Home
X "Mom's house" and "Dad's house"
X Transition day anxiety and stress
X Packing and unpacking every week
X Two bedrooms, neither feels quite like theirs
X Belongings split between two homes
X Need duplicates of essential items
X Cats, fish, or hamsters get left behind
X Two neighborhoods or sets of friends
Nesting approach
✔ "My house"
✔ Always rooted in one place
✔ No packing stress or logistics for the kids
✔ One room that feels like their own
✔ All belongings always accessible
✔ One drum set, one bicycle, one swing set...
✔ Family pets always close by
✔ One community
...and why it's great for parents, too:
Traditional Two Home
X Two fully-equipped homes to maintain
X Kid areas of home are unused half the time
X Ex's stability directly impacts kids' stability
X Lack of alignment or visibility into other home
X Both homes must be near the school
X New partners enter and exit your kids' space
Nesting approach
✔ One family home + simpler adult spaces
✔ Maximize space in your adult home
✔ Confidence knowing kids have a stable home
✔ Know what kids are eating, wearing, etc.
✔ Freedom to live wherever during free time
✔ Dating life stays separate from kids' home
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Just enter your info and I'll email it your way!
"We're already living separately—can we still transition into nesting?"
"Can we do this even if we aren't getting along very well right now?"
"We have to sell the house to disentangle financially—can we still nest after we sell?"
Yes, yes, and yes!
You don't need to be at the beginning of your separation journey—in fact, it's often better when you've had time apart for you both to heal, establish independent routines, and break old patterns. You can transition into nesting anytime by converting one existing home into the nest, or getting a new nest entirely and either keeping or downsizing the adult homes.
You don't need to be best friends with your ex (your divorcing for a reason, after all!) in order to be able to align on how nesting affords many benefits to the kids (and parents), which is often motivation enough to work together through the initial logistics. Once you are up and running with nesting, you can do it with little to no interaction with your co-parent, if that's what you prefer, but you might also appreciate the closer contact nesting can afford you if you find your relationship softens and improves over time.
You don't need to keep your existing home. In fact, it's often more financially feasible to rent a smaller home since the parent's belongings aren't taking up space anymore. Use the equity from the home sale to establish the smaller adult homes and provide a financial cushion for the beginning of your new separate lives.
Want more personalized support?
This coaching container is for you if...
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You are tired of feeling stuck in a less-than-satisfying co-parenting dynamic or two-household living arrangement.
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You are committed to centering your children in your co-parenting strategies.
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You are committed to looking inward at the role you've been playing in your patterns, and you are ready to stop directing your energy towards getting your co-parent to change.
- You want support for both you and your co-parent—but it is completely fine to embark on this work solo even if your co-parent isn't interested in participating.
Coaching packages are customized depending on the level of support required, starting with a $2,000 retainer.
- Deep dive sessions—2+hr open-ended sessions for deep shadow work and intuitive guidance, scheduled every 4–6 weeks, or as needed ($250/hr)
- Async—text, voice memo and video memo support (unlimited)
Please fill out this intake form and I'll get back to you in a few days to let you know if it feels aligned.
I take on a handful of 1:1 clients at a time so that I can focus my time and energy on guiding each person with the care and attention they each require.
Please fill out this intake form and I'll get back to you in a few days to let you know if it feels aligned.
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